It's time for your FHM medical exam..

Oh no! I'm really hungover, I'll never be able to concentrate.

Tough. First question: what's a normal resting pulse-rate?

I've no idea, but I'll guess. Forty-eight beats a minute?

No, it's about 60 to 80. How would you get rid of a pile?

The only time I've seen a pile is in FHM. Would you pop it? Or maybe cut it out...

Not bad. One way is to tie an elasic band round and sew it off.

Oh, I've learnt how to do sewing - surgical suturing, it's called. The producers brought in this heart surgeon and he showed us how to do it on a pig's trotter.

Okay...question three: what's the cause of the most agonising pain a man can get in his testicles?

What? Apart from somebody biting them? I'm afraid I don't know much about the testicles. Is it when people kick them?

Now Brookside. Your character was a fervent environmentalist. Have you ever done any tub-thumping yourself?

I did go through a hippy phase when I was 18. I grew my armpit hair, dressed in dungarees and became a vegetarian. I even told my boyfriend that he wasn't allowed to eat meat. It lasted two years - until he caught me eating a steak in the kitchen. He was out at work so I went to Tesco's, bought this massive slab of meat, sat down and ate the whole thing. I love meat too much to become a vegetarian.

One topic of debate this month in FHM is drink. What's the most drunk you've ever been?

Well, there was about one night three years ago when I went out in black trousers and a white T-shirt, and woke wearing a silver dress. I've no idea where my trousers went.

Can you remember your first crush?

Boy George. The first time I saw him on Top of the Pops, I thought he was gorgeous. I plastered Boy George pictures all over my bedroom. He ended up with a hole around his mouth, I kissed it so much. I even camped outside his house.

Finally, what will men never understand about women?

Men think that when a woman says she loves you, she means it. But there are times when it's so they can manipulate men. Maybe if they were being accused of being unfaithful, they might say: "But you know I love you." It's a bit of a shit thing to do, and I've never done it. But I have thought about it.

You mean you've never been unfaithful?

Oh, I've been unfaithful. Who hasn't? But not recently.

Extracts taken from FHM magazine issue 108 January 1999

Thanks to Slide for this interview visit his site at http://website.lineone.net/~slide